by Rachel Smith
16 March 2018
Monkey chatter. Inner monologue. Mental noise. Negative voice. Voice of failure. Devil on your shoulder. No matter what you call it, we all have that judgemental, critical little chatterbox that tries to make us give in to fear or self-doubt.
Gretchen Rubin recently interviewed bestselling author Geneen Roth, who calls the negative voice in her head ‘the crazy aunt in the attic’. She says, “[It’s] the voice that blares continually, day in and day out, about how I’m not good enough, did it wrong, should have done better. When I notice that I suddenly feel small, diminished, incapable, disappeared, I’ll track back and ask myself what triggered it and what I am telling myself. I’ve gotten very good at seeing that the crazy aunt is having her way with me. Then, I tell her to go out on the lawn, drink tequila and leave me alone.”
But ignoring it is especially tough when you’re freelance. You spend your days pitching, putting yourself out there over and over, dealing with clients, negotiating to be paid what you’re worth, filing copy to new editors. It’s easy to get ‘stuck’ repeating negative thoughts over and over; a cycle psychologists call rumination (and which in some people can lead to depression).
How DO you deal with rumination or negative monkey chatter that’s taking over your life, especially if it affects your work? Something I do is say ‘STOP!’ out loud. It’s surprisingly good at halting the grumbling in my head and forcing me not to follow a negative train of thought. If the voice is telling me not to go to the gym or that I can go tomorrow (a neverending battle), I try to just ignore it and pull my gym gear on. It can also help trying to get into the habit of replacing a negative thought with a positive one, every time, until it becomes a habit. And if I am good with a daily meditation practice, I find also helps me ignore the little voice for longer stretches – or just sound it out.
Psychologist Jacqui Manning says looking for work or starting a new job is one of the biggest ways to bring up your negative self-beliefs – because it makes you feel vulnerable and unsure. “Flooding your brain with negative chatter is destructive to your wellbeing and effectiveness because it creates stress chemicals in your brain and body, and eventually you’ll start believing your own crap,” she says.
She suggests trying to make friends with your inner voice. “You’re not going to shut it up entirely, so look for ways to transmute it. Perhaps your negative chatter can take on the dulcet tones of Mickey Mouse (try it!), or you can superimpose an undertone of “blah blah blah” on top of it, because that’s all it is,” she says. “You can also ask yourself “What if….?” What if I can do this piece of work effectively and quickly? What if my writing is good enough? Remind yourself of your successes and the feeling you had in those times. Really try and see/hear/feel those memories to increase the feeling of confidence.”
Another tip when the monkey chatter is driving you mad is to do a brain dump, she says.
“If you’re going around in circles in your head, then write it down. Getting it out of your head and onto a piece of paper can create space in your brain for new, positive thoughts to emerge. Also, watch your posture – shoulders back and chin up will release chemicals in your brain that help you feel good and switch on, slumping will do the opposite. It can also be useful to visualise your day – see yourself closing your laptop with a big smile on your face because you’re so satisfied and happy with your work.”
What do you do to deal with the negative voice in your head?
