by Leo Wiles
08 February 2019
When I was an editor on a monthly mag and lacklustre copy crossed my desk, I’d often make the broadest of brushstroke changes, perhaps fact-check a few glaring areas, cut it down to size if I had time and then send it to the patient subs desk who would work their magic.
These days, time is short and and editors’ patience even shorter – so crappy pitches or sloppy copy may zing its way back to you with a few, well, zingers. Let’s face it: what editors say can be worlds apart from what they’re thinking, so here are a few translations I’ve yanked from the cranial archives of my time as an editor.
PS. Editors are not actively trying to pierce a writer’s thin skin. They’re generously trying to shape you into a better writer. (Sometimes with a little dose of passive aggression thrown in for good measure.)
“Thanks for your pitch but we ran something similar in our December issue.”
Translation: “FFS. Do you even read the title that I spend 14 hours a day pouring blood, sweat and tears into?”
“We already have something in the pipeline.”
Translation: “Yep, even the unpaid interns spotted this story idea.”
“This really needs a new angle”
Translation: “You’re flogging a dead horse, don’t you have something newsworthy?!”
“Please clarify this entire section”
Translation: “If I don’t understand what you’re saying and I wrote the brief then what hope has our audience?”
“Do we need a quote here?”
Translation: “Are you making this shit up or was it what the interviewee intended?”
“Any facts to support this statement?”
Translation: “We’ve got a snowball’s chance in hell of getting this past legal without any actual statistics.”
“The tone could do with some work”
Translation: “You’ve completely misunderstood our title. Go and read 100 back copies at the library and re-file.”
“You’ve buried the lead”
Translation: “…and your career along with it if you can’t work out that THIS would be the most interesting angle to catch the reader’s attention.”
“Got any more colour…?”
Translation: “I won’t lie to you, I’m bored as batshit by your copy.”
“Refer to previous comment”
Translation: “Cannot face repeating myself for the eighth time, banging head into keyboard instead.”
“Breakout box?”
Translation: “WTF? This anecdote definitely does not belong here.”
“Tighter / stronger”
Translation: “Your waffly phrases are out of step with our house-style / my patience!”
“Has this been said before?”
Translation: “Umm, I Googled the quote you used and it was lifted it straight from a 2007 Vogue article.”
“Is this what you intended?”
Translation: “I’ve given up my weekend to rewrite this and if you don’t accept this change there’s quite a large chance I will never commission you again.”
Which ones did we miss? Share your translations of what editors say (or have said to you!) in the comments.
